A Letter to My 20-Year-Old Self: Lessons on Self-Love, Healing, and Growth

At 20 years old, life felt unbearably heavy. I couldn’t see beyond the pain, and hopelessness whispered that maybe giving up was the only option. I searched for love outside of myself, hoping it would fill the hollow space within. But every time I gave pieces of myself away, I was left emptier than before.

What I couldn’t imagine then, but what I know now at 40 is this: hold on. Healing is possible. Love is possible. Purpose is possible.

Today, I’m approaching 15 years of marriage, but even greater than that, I’ve learned how to truly love myself. And rather than depending on him—or anyone for that matter—I have learned that I have always been worthy of true love. Love that is sourced by God and God alone. Love that is fully unconditional and not defined by the version I am at any given moment.

The way I see myself now would astonish that broken 20-year-old girl. My self-love journey hasn’t been easy; every lesson was hard-fought, every jewel of wisdom gathered through pain, persistence, and God’s grace. But the treasure of healing, empowerment, and living unapologetically is worth it all.

The Power of Self-Love and Empowerment

Self-love is not selfish, it’s survival. When I finally chose to value myself, to care for my mental health, and to walk boldly in my God-given identity, everything changed. Still, it should be known that I am very much in the process of being processed.

I give you (and myself) permission to:

• BE everything God has purposed you to be.

• Grow through life without apology.

• Live bold, brilliant, passionate, creative, sensitive, and deep—because your purpose demands it.

Even if others never affirm you… even when their actions don’t align with their words… remember this: God already placed within you everything you need to become the woman He called you to be.

Overcoming Brokenness to Walk in Purpose

At 20, I felt unworthy, unseen, and unsure. At 40, I know better. My story is proof that women can heal, rise, and thrive even after seasons of brokenness. It is possible to grow through trauma, to reclaim confidence, and to step into a future rooted in resilience and faith.

Believing in yourself doesn’t guarantee everyone else will. But persist anyway. That persistence is where empowerment is born.

Call to Action

Sister, I’m living proof that transformation is real. Healing, self-love, and walking in your purpose are not distant dreams, they’re within your reach.

Share this with another woman who needs to hear that she is enough.

Comment below: What would you tell your 20-year-old self?