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Writer's pictureJante Gibson

Generational Trauma


"Trauma is personal. It does not disappear if it is not validated. When it is ignored or invalidated the silent screams continue internally heard only by the one held captive."


And so, the story goes in much of the same ways I was made a victim by my parents; in the past, I too made my children victim's. For many of their formative years, my sons were containers for the rage made possible by my own wounded and unhealed heart. Often the “punishment” I rendered, though I may have intended them as a way to keep my sons in check and out of trouble, was in fact, the pent up hurt I was holding in my heart. Internally I was rage filled thus, I exacted that rage onto my children. Most often verbally, but sometimes physically. Regrettably, I became what I despised the most about my parents — abusive. Fortunately, I have apologized to my children, because as I sink deeper and deeper into my own process of healing, I understand how dangerous invalidated trauma can be.


Sadly, I have not had the same fortune; one, because my mother is deceased and two because I don't know if my father has enough self-awareness to take ownership for the hurt he caused me when I was younger. You may be wondering if I've attempted to hold him accountable? And my answer would be, "No". Reason being, I have expressed to him other areas in which my feelings are left hurt and fending for ease, and though he claimed to understand and said that he would make changes, nothing in fact, ever changed. Still, I forgive him FOR MY OWN PEACE OF MIND, and for now, I have decided to distance myself from him.


"He leads me beside still waters. He restoreth my soul. When you become a believer, your spirit is made right and sometimes, the soul doesn't get to notice. It has a hole in it due to things that's happened in the past: hurt, abuse, molestation. But we wanna speak to you today and tell you that God wants to heal the hole in your soul. Some people's actions are not because their spirit is wrong, but it's because the past has left a hole in their soul.” —Donald Lawrence


As I mentioned before, I have had many hours with both men and women of various backgrounds about their own traumatic past, and in most cases I often hear, "My parents have refused to apologize. Over and over, they make excuses and justify their behavior, but there is no accountability." And believe me, I know how daunting accountability can at times feel however, I would argue there has been know freer feeling than that of speaking MY truth with full transparency and honesty; even the truth of what I've done wrong. "Nothing is more powerful than calling yourself out on your own bull crap. Then, choosing to do something about it" —Jante Gibson-Bryant, Into the Darkness: A Journey to Self-Love Through Self-Examination


Truth is that one can only heal as much as they are willing to reveal!


My opening quote is worth repeating, but this time I am also including the remedy:

"Trauma is personal. It does not disappear if it is not validated. When it is ignored or invalidated the silent screams continue internally heard only by the one held captive. When someone enters the pain and hears the screams healing can begin.




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