When Being Picked Exposes the Wound

Tuesday Pause ™

Had you asked me a few weeks ago, I would have told you that I fully accepted the fact that I wasn’t the first or even second choice of so many people, and that I’d made such peace with it that I was certain God had healed me of all of the disappointment rendered by it, especially since I believed the “rejection” was His will. That is, until I was “picked.”

You see, a friend of mine said I’d be great for a new ministry launching at our church, and I agreed. However, I had received instructions from God to not serve for an entire year. She advised that all those who have been invited, pray about our fit and whether God was leading us to join. I prayed about it and heard “NO.”

I attempted to ignore it, because after all, I was being “picked,” and it made me feel validated after so many years of showing up for people with my entire heart, only to be overlooked time and time again.

Then both conviction and curiosity set in. Conviction, because I knew accepting the role would be disobedient. Curiosity, because I genuinely want to see and experience life after the year is up, while simultaneously not wanting to start the time clock over from the beginning. Hesitantly, I refused the offer.

What this moment revealed is that underneath all of my confidence, there is still pain and a sometimes, insatiable need to strive where I fail to feel completely safe showing up as my full self.

Though my friend brought me the opportunity, it wasn’t her test. It was mine. I needed this moment to show me where I’m still hurting, even though I thought I was over it.

Sometimes, we don’t realize how deeply we still crave validation until it finally comes knocking. We think we’ve healed, because we’ve learned how to live without being chosen. But what happens when the opportunity finally comes? What happens when someone finally sees you, calls your name, invites you to the table, and gives you the very thing you’ve spent years wondering why you couldn’t have?

For me, I discovered that being “picked” didn’t necessarily mean I had healed from being overlooked.

And maybe that’s the uncomfortable part of healing: Sometimes God will allow us to encounter the very thing we thought we wanted just to reveal whether we still need it to feel worthy.

This moment reminds me of the woman with the issue of blood: “And there was a woman who had had a discharge of blood for twelve years, and who had suffered much under many physicians, and had spent all that she had, and was no better but rather grew worse. She had heard the reports about Jesus and came up behind him in the crowd and touched his garment. For she said, “If I touch even his garments, I will be made well.” And immediately the flow of blood dried up, and she felt in her body that she was healed of her disease. And Jesus, perceiving in himself that power had gone out from him, immediately turned about in the crowd and said, “Who touched my garments?” And his disciples said to him, “You see the crowd pressing around you, and yet you say, ‘Who touched me?’” And he looked around to see who had done it. But the woman, knowing what had happened to her, came in fear and trembling and fell down before him and told him the whole truth. And he said to her, “Daughter, your faith has made you well; go in peace, and be healed of your disease.”” (Mark 5:25-34 ESV)

There are several things one can surmise about this; however, Holy Spirit showed me that although physical restoration took place once she touched the hem of Christ garment, complete healing didn’t take place until He called her out from under years of shame, rejection, ridicule, isolation, etc. "And he said to her, “Daughter, your faith has made you well; go in peace, and be healed of your disease.”

The same has been true for me. Being “picked” seemingly opened the door to my restoration, but full deliverance can only happen within the context of being called out and unhidden.

This experience has shown me that we can “learn to live with" something so well that we can trick our psyche into believing we are well. Yet, truthfully full healing happens only once our minds have been renewed.

“And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God.” (Romans 12:2)

So here’s my question for you:

Where are you saying “YES” when God is saying “NO,” thus, failing to realize that validation is quietly driving that decision?

Sit with that.

Don’t rush past it. Don’t shame yourself for what you discover. Just be honest.

Your healing might be hiding right there.

Continue the Healing

If this reflection stirred something in you—especially around validation, rejection, being chosen, or learning to trust what God is saying—my Write to Heal Journal was created to help you go deeper.

Writing has been one of the ways I’ve learned to sit with what hurts, uncover what’s underneath it, and invite God into the places I’ve sometimes tried to hide.

Download your digital copy of the Write to Heal Journal for just $9.97 and give yourself permission to write through what you’re feeling.

Download the Write to Heal Journal

You don’t have to rush the healing. Sometimes, you just need a safe place to tell the truth.

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