Dear Black Girl,

Hey Black Girl/Woman,

Once upon a time, I too believed that my tribe would not be the likes of black females. I too, struggled to disengage with past heartbreak rendered me by other black women. 

I am not saying that I no longer feel a sting reverberating through my mind and to my heart when another black woman rejects me, especially since I work so hard to make them feel accepted. However, I can now declare that their indifference is not my only experience with black women.

Here lately more often than ever, I have experienced a palpable love and support from black women that I didn’t always feel in the past. I am not saying it has never been, because there has ALWAYS been a few! Still, I could feel the intense standoffishness of those others as they misinterpreted my confidence for intimidation which was the consequence of them failing to understand that I am simply a woman who has CHOSEN to live out victory rather than the trauma of my past—in so many ways we have always been one in the same! 

Or could it be that I have simply become more mature and sensitive to the fact that their past reality of pain is actually the causation for their guardedness in the first place? Today, I’m starting to realize their skepticism, in most cases has nothing to do with me personally and EVERYTHING to do with them, thus their non-acceptance hurts a little less. 

Truth is, I see myself in them—I’ve always been able to see myself in them, because black womanhood is my lived experience which also includes the very bad parts of us. So slowly but surely, I am disarming and affirming them without the pretense of receiving validation in return, because I get it... How is it that one expects another to give to their environment what they cannot seem to give to themselves? Grace? Mercy? 

Today, though still not completely, I am doing much less personalizing and internalizing their indictment of me, because I know me, and I HAVE PURE MOTIVES—this I know full well!

So, “Bye Bye” to the me who shrinks for fear of non-acceptance and “Hello” to the me who is unwavering in her support of other black women, even if their remains a few who are bent on hurting me—I now understand that they are not part of my tribe and that’s okay!

But to the ones who are... “I APPRECIATE YOU MORE THAN I WILL EVER BE ABLE TO ARTICULATE!”

And To Each and EVERY black girl/woman reading this… 

I see you! I believe in you! I’m proud of you! I’m rooting for you! I’m praying for you! I love me some you! Lastly, Give YOURSELF permission to be YOU out loud, on purpose and UNAPOLOGETICALLY!