Human: Having Emotions vs Emotionalism and Why It Matters

Normalizing the truth of how we feel rather than normalizing a lie out of fear of how someone else might interpret our feelings is a deep desire of mine.

Please understand there is a difference between having emotions vs. emotionalism.

As I’m sure all of you have at some point or another, I have experienced many seasons of bliss, but also many seasons of heartache—my current season has been pretty difficult.

I recall a few years ago when I was in a particularly challenging place emotionally. I was desperate for relief. As someone who tries to keep it together for everyone else, I was doing just that while quietly drowning on the inside.

One day, I went to the grocery store and felt an overwhelming need to talk to someone. I approached an elderly Black woman and asked, “How? I’m convinced you’ve overcome some things, but how?”

Tears filled my eyes and rolled down my cheeks.

She gently reassured me that I, too, would make it through. We hugged, and that was the end of that moment.

Shortly after, I made my way to the front register. The cashier asked, “How are you today?”

With tears still in my eyes, I responded, “Not good.”

And I meant it.

I often hear about remaining kind in the midst of hard seasons, and I am an advocate for that. But what I rarely hear is an invitation to be a safe space for people to tell the truth about how they are really feeling.

I’m a conversationalist. I can be confrontational. I’m bold. All of which I am asking God to refine, because I know I am still growing and easily misunderstood.

But my heart is pure.

Still, I recognize that most people are not wired that way. Many people are non-confrontational. I was chatting with a client yesterday while I was doing her hair, and we agreed that confrontation is simply a conversation. Somewhere along the way, it became a negative word.

And because of that, we now have an overabundance of people who avoid confrontation altogether. They never address anything. They never become effective communicators. And as a result, they never fully live authentically.

Scripture gives us balance.

Ephesians 4:26 reminds us: “Be angry, and do not sin.”

In other words, have your feelings, but don’t let your feelings have you.

There is a difference between having emotions and emotionalism.

One says:

“This is how I feel.”

The other says:

“This is reality because I feel it.”

If we are ever going to address the mental health crisis we are facing, we must create space for people to be honest about their emotions so they can process them.

Because unprocessed emotions don’t disappear.

They distort. They erupt. They control.

But processed emotions?

They heal.

And while we are learning to be honest, we must also remember to be wise.

Proverbs 4:23 says, “Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.”

Feel it.

Acknowledge it.

Process it.

But don’t let it rule you.

Friend you're human and your human emotions deserve attention, and mature attention will demonstrate to you that you’re not powerless.

If this spoke to you, don’t scroll past it.

Take a moment and ask yourself honestly:

How am I really doing?

Then, if you’re willing, share one word in the comments that reflects where you are right now.

Let’s normalize truth.

Let’s normalize healing.