Rocks In My Heart: A Child's Truth About Hurt and Healing

I don’t understand why some people drink the way they do, or why they take things that make them act different. But I know it hurts. I know it makes them forget things, like birthdays and promises. And I know it makes them angry, sometimes too angry to be nice anymore.  

I don’t like the yelling. I don’t like the way it feels when everything is loud, and I wish someone would just hold me and tell me it’s okay. But nobody does. Instead, I have to pretend it doesn’t bother me—that it’s normal to live in a house where people forget how to love each other.  

Mom says some people drink because they’re sad. But I think people are sad because of what happened before they ever drank. I heard stories—stories about things that happened when nobody was looking. Things that were supposed to be secrets.  

Bad things.  

And people don’t talk about those things. They just hold them inside, like a heavy rock in their heart. And then they do whatever they can to make the rock feel smaller, even if it never really goes away.   

I know because I have my own rock.  

I never wanted to be hurt, but I was. I never wanted to feel scared, but I do. And sometimes I wonder if I’ll ever be the same again.   

But Mom also says Jesus can fix anything. She says His blood is stronger than any secret and that telling the truth makes the enemy weaker. So, I try to talk, even when my voice shakes. I try to tell people what’s real, even when they don’t want to hear it.  

Most people think I’m silly. They say I talk too much and ask too many questions. But I don’t care.  

I want to know people the way I wish someone wanted to know me.  

I want to ask the hard questions—like what makes them sad and what makes them feel safe. Because that’s how you heal. That’s how you let God take the rocks out of your heart and turn them into something beautiful.  

Mom says Romans 8:28 means God can make everything work for good. Even the bad things. Even the secrets.  

I hope she’s right.  

I really, really hope she’s right.