The Cost of Confidence

“I will bless the Lord at all times; His praise shall continually be in my mouth. My soul shall make its boast in the Lord; The humble shall hear of it and be glad. Oh, magnify the Lord with me, And let us exalt His name together. I sought the Lord, and He heard me, And delivered me from all my fears. They looked to Him and were radiant, And their faces were not ashamed. This poor man cried out, and the Lord heard him, And saved him out of all his troubles." (Psalms‬ ‭34‬:‭1‬-‭6‬ ‭NKJV‬‬)

There’s a fine line between confidence and arrogance, and far too often, women like me are misread walking it. Not because we’re boastful, but because we’ve finally stopped shrinking.

I’ve learned something over the years: You can be bold and still be kind. You can speak highly of yourself and still walk humbly with God. You can refuse to water down your worth, and it still be worship.

But somewhere along the way, especially in Christian spaces, we were taught that humility meant invisibility. That the more spiritual you were, the quieter you had to become about your gifts, your identity, your confidence.

And I believed that lie for a while. Until I didn’t.

I don’t exalt myself; I just refuse to shrink.

I don’t belittle others; I just stopped belittling me.

And that shift? That holy recalibration? It changed everything.

It took a long while for me to see myself correctly. To look beyond the trauma and the poor choices I’d wrapped myself in like armor. But now? Now I see clearly.

Years ago, I was working at a gym when an older gentleman I regularly joked with came in. He asked how I was doing, and without hesitation I smiled and said, “I am fearfully and wonderfully made!” I followed it up with a few more biblical truths I hold close, because I meant them. I believed them.

And of course, he tried to shut me down. “You shouldn’t pat yourself on the back like that,” he said.

But I had time that day. So, I shot back with Psalm 34: “My soul shall make her boast in the Lord.” Because after all, that’s what I was doing; boasting in the God who made me whole again.

I didn’t come into this confidence on my own. I asked God earnestly, desperately, through tears and broken prayers; “Help me see myself the way You see me.”

And He did.

And I believed Him.

I am who He says I am!

Now years later, I can clearly see what I couldn’t back then: The enemy has been after my voice since I was a child.

I’ve always felt different; called, uncomfortable, set apart. Nonetheless, my trauma? That was his tool. Not being believed when I spoke up about the molestation silenced me for years. That silence birthed my writing, because speaking felt dangerous, even when it was true. Yet, according to Romans 8:28, "And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose." Today, I'm an author and speaker.

As far back as I can remember, I’ve been told I’m too loud, too noisy, too blunt. But what they called “too much” was really my voice trying to survive. And I’m done apologizing for it.

I’m not loud out of arrogance. I’m bold because silence almost killed me. I speak with fire because I spent too many years being burned in silence. I speak for those who have not yet found their voice.

So no, I won’t exalt myself. But I won’t keep shrinking either, because I know who I am, and what God has placed in me can’t be muted just to make others comfortable.

For the woman who’s been told she’s “too much"…

You’re not. You’re becoming. You’re healing. You’re rising. You’re remembering what it feels like to speak without trembling.

Reflection

What parts of your voice have you been silencing to be accepted? What would change if you stopped shrinking and started believing what God says about you?

Affirmation:

“I will not exalt myself, but I will not shrink. I will not belittle others, but I will no longer belittle me. I walk in grace, truth, and authority. I am exactly who God says I am.”